The colorful mind
I used to think that everyone, especially those that liked music or talented musicians, could see the sounds like I do.
Back when I was younger, when my journey as a musician started, I realized I could visualize sounds in an abstract space inside my mind. I perceive sounds as colors and dynamic shapes in this personal abstract space of mine, whether I want it or not - the process is involuntary.
My mind is a canvas
There are various kinds of synesthesia. By itself, synesthesia is the act of blending different kinds of "senses" from one "physical manifestation", so that one experiences multiple things from different sensory realms1.
In my case, I experience sound as both hearing and "colors"; some other person with synesthesia, for example, may experience a smell with a mix of the actual smell and color.
The good, the bad...
I must admit that sometimes it's rather cool to simply have some sort of visualizer in my head constantly, I think it's an amazing way to experience music. Moreover, it helps to differentiate sounds in my head when I hear something complex, which is handy when I want to compose music.
On the downside, everything that I listen to automatically becomes shapes in my head. Even noise and voice, to some extent. Picture this: you are in a silent room and you want to concentrate; what happens when I hear, for example, a constant low hum? It just pops up in my mind. It becomes demanding for me to ignore the thing and concentrate on my task at the same time.
... and the ugly
I discovered that my synesthesia is susceptible to brain-altering substances. When I used to take SSRIs, I experienced a dulling of my emotion.
What's worse is that I could not see color anymore. That's one of the reasons I stopped taking them2.
Objective subjectivities
I find myself thinking about things all the time but I write only to get them off of my chest. Many, if not most of my messages in here are impromptu ones: when I feel like writing them, I just let my fingers write what my mind tells me is right.
My synesthesia made me open my eyes of how subjective an experience can be for people. For some, an event can be positive, for others it can be a nightmare.
But at the same time, many things are positive or negative for more than a person, regardless of how they see them.
For exam, despite I can see the sounds and many can't, we both get emotional at a good performance.
And isn't that beautiful?
I know it's been a while since I wrote something, but I didn't have really anything positive to write. Still, thanks for checking me out
mi pilin pona tan ni: sina lukin e sitelen mi
: